Snuff

Bechet45 said:
arthritis in my thumbs and I can't grip the tin well enough to twist it open! What is a poor chap to do?
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Sorry I haven't replied before now, good bud. I have the perfect answer! for you!!

I know about the sCooter ineligibility that was based on you not being younger when first needing one, You screwed up there.....

Anyway, think about a small helper monkey. Take a look at all the US sellers and the many adorable monkey choices available. Easy to teach em to help you with a snort when the old fingers are being treasonous. Plus, the cats would love to play with it! Hah, you could dress it in a mouse costume.


Good idea or what? Plus, I bet the Government would pay for everything, or at least cover the monkey food.

Martin
 
I've said it before and I'll say it again - the man is a bloody genius! Good idea or what? I mean, what could possibly go wrong? I'd sleep well in my bed, knowing the monkey wouldn't want to play with my cut-throats but just sit around waiting patiently for me to yell, "Snuff!" at it. Hell, I bet it would fetch my food and definitely not play with all my shaving brushes and soaps. A stroke of genius! Martinus, you never cease to amaze me with your playful little jests and damned good ideas. But alas, the present Government has cut the Benefit that would enable me to have a monkey on them (tax payers) - I can wipe my own arse/ass so no Attendance Allowance for me!

But how much does a monkey cost? A Rhesus Negative Macaque should do the trick! Quiet, gentle little fellows - maybe a fellowette would be best for all the domestic chores (sorry, ladies!) - whadya think? Nuts can't be that expensive?

Either I'm going nuts myself or someone is sending morse code into my home! And lo! a missed call this afternoon from the US of A - a 210 area code, calling my mobile - cell phone to you.

An arse wiping, snuff tin opening macaque! Genius! Electric can openers, indeed!
 
Bechet45 said:
No - but with a description like that, who cares. You know you have to do it! Not on an empty stomach, though. Let us know how you get on - if you're still standing.

Good spot!
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i knew i had to do it and just did :) a viking dark/ flue cured virgnia leaf snuff with a big nicotine hit, how could i resist? and its called thor's hammer! ill let you know how i find it.
 
Suddenly realise I don't have to wait till I've finished the barrel - this is a new snuff, as is Spear. Variety is te spice of life and any other cliches that suit! Hey ho! Order going in!

Bloody snuff enablers now!!
 
Does nicotine work like heroin - you build a tolerance and keep wanting more? The rate I stuff Dark up my nose has to be about nicotine so Thor's Hammer may slow me down a bit - but what comes next?

Are they allowed to add nicotine to snuff - like that American tobacco company that was sued for millions of Dollars for adding it to cigarette tobacco to speed up addiction? I don't need addicting because I am addicted - so I guess I'll be more addicted. I think addiction is like pregnancy, though - you are or you aren't. In other words, my little dabble with snuff has me like a heroin addicted, eight months pregnant school girl! Whoopee!

Give me more! I must have more! More! Now! Oh shit! I'm done for! An insane, heroin addicted, eight months pregnant school-girl! Still, I got straight A* s all the way through so things could be worse - and it's stopped raining.

Talking of which, I discovered who was sending Morse code into my home the other day. Turned out to be what was sending - the key fob for my pavement chariot, supposed to react to a whistle with beeps and a flashing light. Seems a clarinet concerto does the trick, too!

More! I say. More! Now! Sheesh!
 
Bechet45 said:
But how much does a monkey cost?

An arse wiping, snuff tin opening macaque!
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Monkeys are surprisingly expensive. Their adorableness helps offset the monetary thing and they become part of the household. Sorta like a not too bright relative maybe.....one that you can never quite trust like you would a person or even a dog . Plus they tend to crap where they like so there's the diaper thing, but that's only forever. Hah, you can train him (or her) to wipe your ass, but just not it's own. Wait a minute, don't you know somebody who could fix that diaper issue.......someone like a monkey nanny!

Toots can tell you about the monkey that some member had, the one that kept peeing on the drapes behind the seldom used couch.

Carl, without derailing the thread too much more (sorry to any readers), please just visualize a scene I will describe.

You are on the sCootr, driving down the sidewalk in a lopsided manner. Magical sticks are in the scabbard for any riff raff clearing, and oh yeah, did you decide on a horn for your ride finally? I will include one that will get people's attention and I will send you the kit for one if you like. It's classy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLjMRHiY0UU

Anyway, the topper is a monkey sitting somewhere near you, and he's huffing some snuff!! Yeah, he's set up with his own 'works', the same things used by yourself. Both of you snuffling together just could not be cuter! I would like seeing that on youtube.

Ok, once again I apologize for the off topic post.

Martin
 
Just a small problem so far, Martin - I cannot find a monkey sellier within sCooteR range of my home. I think even fifteen miles outbound is risky against the maker's claim of thirty-six max - I suppose I could go further and re-charge - but still no monkey sellers. I'm beginning to think maybe we Brits are not permitted in Law to own monkeys. Bit of a downer because the more I thought about your idea the less I could see to go wrong. I'll admit I hadn't thought of him getting a snuff habit, too. That could drive up costs.

Those horns are definitely banned in UK which is why we don't hear them very often.
 
Little packet just arrived - Thor's Hammer and Spear. Not tried the Spear yet.

Thor's Hammer is not vacuum sealed but red tape sealed like Wilson's snuffs.

I'd advise that it is taken sitting down and that you resist the temptation to stand up and walk around/ do something because it doesn't deliver the promised hit. It does deliver - but sneakily, sort of creeps up on you and then expands inside your head.Pleasant sort of sore apple/orchard taste, a few unripe apricots thrown in. Your brain seems to get tighter and tighter inside your skull. Thor's Hammer or Skull Splitter - same, same - I wonder if my brain will stop expanding? Ever. Perhaps one should take this stuff lying down. Ower! Very pleasant sensation - oops! here comes the ceiling. What were they called? Bumblies? Michael Bentine. That was a few years ago! wheeee! I should think alcohol is to be avoided. For safety, you understand. Glad I fixed the bedside light yesterday - not just so I could see when I needed a pee but I bet I couldn't slot a terminal screwdriver right now, not within an inch or two.

Very nice snuff. Good taste. Hit like a bull rhinoceros. Very pleasant if somewhat disabling - don't know for how long.
 
Really looking forward to the report on 'Thor' when it's taken on an empty stomach followed by a couple of mugs of strong, black Java. Gosh, I'm having a lot of fun from our snuff thread without even taking any !

JohnnyO. :icon_razz:/
 
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