Not sure how to play this … advice please..

D

Dickie

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I had a very unfamiliar conversation today with a friend who told me he is dying (yes, I realise that we all are) and has been given a 3-5 year timeline, he is a few years (ok decades) older than me and has grown up Children etc.

I‘m not unaccustomed to people dying, I lost my Brother a few years back before he hit 40 and as a younger man lost a good friend and past girlfriend to substance abuse, but in these instances there was no warning.

i‘m finding it hard how to best support my friend, I don’t want to dance on eggshells but I don’t want to ignore it either, he’ll need help with tasks and transport as time goes on which I’d love to do for him, just struggling to know how to act.

Any thoughts?
 
Yes, one of my close friends was diagnosed with cancer. Treated him the same after diagnosis as before. But some people pulled back because they did not know how to treat him.
Even in hospital at the end, we both knew but never spoke about it. Just carried on as normal.
If I'm fucked I hope my friends treat me like that.
 
jimmyc said:
Yes, one of my close friends was diagnosed with cancer. Treated him the same after diagnosis as before. But some people pulled back because they did not know how to treat him.
Even in hospital at the end, we both knew but never spoke about it. Just carried on as normal.
If I'm fucked I hope my friends treat me like that.
Click to expand...
I take your point, many thanks
 
Same. I lost a mate I had known for 25+ years recently to a very aggressive cancer. The hardest thing was keeping the shock off my face when I saw him for the first time since his diagnosis but after the initial shock I just carried on as normal, helping him with whatever he wanted but all kind of as if it was temporary. To be fair, he acted 100% as if he had it licked and his conviction in that matter helped me to believe what I wanted to believe even though one look at him told a different story.

I'm sorry to hear about your mate and he's lucky to have such a considerate friend. I guess all you can do is be honest and face it together. One of my biggest worries is getting that sick and having all my friends vaporise due to embarrassment or awkwardness.

It's a good time for openness and honesty too. My stepfather and I got off to a frosty start when I was young as I part blamed him. I had got on very well with him for decades and figured it was all water under the bridge. He faced his death with incredible bravery and left as little as possible for us to sort out, yet one day when he realised how many friends he would not see again was the only time I saw him weep. I put my arm round him, in that moment realising I had never touched him before. He said it was like a weight off his shoulders, whereas I thought he knew decades ago that I forgave him. He was a legend and I am so glad that happened how it did. He showed us how its done.

All the best.
 
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